“Hi, how tall are you?” “Wow, so tall.” “Did you play basketball?” “You’re very tall.”

Whenever I ventured into a tourist-heavy area in Shanghai or Beijing, I was bombarded by sales pitches. Equally inevitably, every one started with a comment about my height.

Comments about my height don’t bother me; I love being tall. I’d also have thousands of short people out for my blood if I complained. But after the fifth time in fifteen minutes, how effective do you think that lead-in was? How about the hundredth?

Ignore for the moment that these grifters were never going to get anything out of me. They never even made my head turn, which is the point.

Too often we’re focused on our own experience, and miss that of the people we’re talking to. To others, my height is an oddity, but I’m me all the time. If you’re trying to get my attention, don’t comment on my height—I’ve heard that a thousand times. Go deeper.

This has wider applications. Dating, business, storytelling, selling … if you can put yourself in someone else’s shoes and not make the obvious comment, you’ll stand out from the crowd.

Don’t do the same things everyone else does. Go deeper. Shock pleasantly. And if you see me, feel free to comment on my height! Just know that you’re the thousandth person to do so, so if your goal is to stand out, you’re off to a bad start.